Friday, May 31, 2013

Celebrity Voice Actors

Following through with what Cheese said, why does Disney have such luck with celebrity voice actors? Disney, primarily Pixar, casts a lot of celebrities, from Woody Allen and Tom Hanks in Toy Story, to Ellen Degeneris in Finding Nemo, to any number of celebrities not known for their voice acting. And yet, their movies are typically phenomenally well-acted, usually because of the life that these celebrities bring to the characters. And yet, when Epic uses celebrities, they show their lack of expertise in an admittedly difficult field.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Cheese101 reviews: 'Epic'

So today I saw Blue Sky Studio's new animated feature film. Blue Sky brought us animated classics such as Ice Age, and joyful immersions such as Rio. So how is Epic? Does it join the club of good animated movies along with it's older brothers?
First off let's talk about the back bone of the movie, the animation. For the most part it's beautiful. It creates a rather detailed world overflowing with color. However there are a few problems. And unfortunately they're not that small. On quite a few of the character models the mouth movements don't match up with the voices. The most notable one belongs to the main male protagonist. That's not a very good thing, considering he's on the screen quite a bit.
Next let's get down to the story. Many critics have hazed the plot of this film, I on the other hand have no problem with the main concept of the movie. I actually thought it was pretty cool. There were a few moments that I thought were not very effective in telling a good story however. (SPOILER ALERT)These came mostly at the end of the film. The entire movie was about these guys trying to protect a flower bud in order to let it bloom the new queen. I thought it meant the a new queen of the forest would grow out of the flower. Instead they give the powers of the queen to a two-dimensional extra that breifly stated at the begining of the movie "I wish I could be queen, that sure would be cool!" To which her mother said "That's not how things work." So there's that terrible ending! The movie also suffered from Thor Syndrome, meaning it had a rridiculously rushed romance in the movie just for the sake of having to have romance in the movie.(END OF SPOILER ALERT)
The score was okay, highly forgetable, which isnt a bad thing.
On to the worst part of the movie, the voice acting. The script of the movie was good, it was the execution that killed it. Dialouge felt too rushed, and charcter's voices didnt match thier apperance or personality. Sky Blue also has a bad habit of filling their voice acting slots with big names instead of people that would be good for the voice acting role. So far this hasn't come back to bite them, until Epic that is. What you have is a cast that doesn't know how to voice act, and it turns out to be sadly obvious.
Overall Epic is not a bad movie, it has flaws that stop it from ever being considered greate, but it's still a colorful and beautifully animated film.

Epic gets a 4/10

Fiction: Susan's Sticky Adventure

One day, Susan was going to get ice cream. "Oh man," said Susan, "I just love Iced Cream! Licking it, eating it, rubbing it all over my body..."

"What was that last one?"

Susan turned her head to see the form of Jeffery, her best friend in the whole world who was also a magical flying Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle. "Oh, nothing, I just fucking love Ice Cream, man, lay off me. It's not like I masturbate in piles of it or anything."

Failing to detect the lie with his mighty robot brain, Jeffery said "Oh, yes, I too enjoy ice cream. Ingesting it causes my fuel cells to operate at peak efficiency."

"Whatevs, Jeff, just let me mount and ride you all the way to the ice cream parlor."

Jeffery's eyes lit up. He hoped Susan meant sexy times. Alsas, it was never sexy times.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Fuck Persona, man

Cheese or whatever yelled at me to post something, and I'm tired, but this blog does need content, so whatever. I like Persona, but here me out.

Have the Persona games ever explored how the main character is kind of a dick? I mean, the game probably isn't meant to be taken this way, but he basically goes around making friends in order to gain magical power ('cause friendship is magic), and like, he doesn't really care about them. He just tries to befriend them as fast as possible to get stronger personas, right? Like, hey, little girl, I'll help you get over your parent's neglecting you because of an impending divorce as long as it'll give me better demons. Or hey, French faggot dude, I'll help you sew, but it better give me wizard powers. Hey, cool, every girl at my school, the sex was great, but I really just wanted to kill monsters. Fuck bitches, get magic.

And you know what, you're protagonist is basically completely vapid. He can create an infinite number of personas, and it's treated like a superpower, but basically, that's just saying that he lacks a personality and can just fake something, right? Like, I want this to be the angle that Persona 5 takes. Most definitely.
I'll post something more sane tomorrow. Or well, maybe not that sane. It's a bit of fiction I wrote earlier this year, I'm sure you all will love it.
Does anyone actually read this blog?
Probably not.
 Love, Loki_XLII  

Cheese101 talks about Hideo Kojima

In case you don't know, Hideout Kojima is the guy that created the amazing video game series Metal Gear. Back when video games were simply another way to have fun, Hideo Kojima made it art. He molded something that could be used as a medium, to express fantastic plot lines and even to express values and beliefs. If anyone has played a Metal Gear game ( especially a Metal Gear Solid game) then you know that there are a lot of aantiwar undertones in the series. However he melts them into the plot in such a way that it never sounds preachy (except maybe some moments of Peace Walker). And if you didnt notice Kojima's touch to the series then that helps to pprove my point even more.
Metal Gear is sort of special to me, before I played the game, I played mostly platformers that had little to no plot. When I played the original MGS my eyes were opened. I learned that video games could be so much more than colorful romps. I have been hooked to the series ever since. I admire it so much, I even consider Metal Gear Solid 4 to be my favorite game of all time.
But more about Kojima, the creator of this universe. I see him as the greatest single video game designer today. No contest. And the great thing is that he's still young not even 50 yet. He decided that he will eventually end the Metal Gear series, which i happen to like the decision. There are even some rumors that Kojima will design and write the next Silent Hill game, maybe he can make that series good again, he's hoping.  

Thanks for listening

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Cheese101 Reviews: Oblivion ( the movie)

So today I went to the movies and saw Tom Cruise's latest flick, Oblivion. I had heard several things about the film and i have to say that they only scratch the surface of whats wrong with Oblivion.
For starters, lets say what Oblivion did right. To it's credit the visuals were absolutely spectacular, some of the best I've seen in recent memory. The set up felt nice, it was slowly easying the viewer into the plot. However, they probably should have kept it hidden for a longer time because once I actually figured out what the movie was about I shrank back in my seat due to disappointment. The set-up was wasted, instead it became a series of sci-fi plot twists, extrememly predictable plot twists. The writing was also sloppy, many plot points contradicted themselves. The script seemed like it was trying to be really cool an complex, but instead I think it turned into a romp in which the writers didn't even know what was going on with the plot. The movie could have been so much better, it could have also been a lot worse. What we have here is a nice case of mediocrity, or worse something that could have been special.
In case you didn't know Morgan Freeman was in this movie, that may come as a shock to those of you that have seen it, because he's only on the screen for a few minutes and his apperance is hardly memorable. Note to Filmmakers: If you have an acting god, like Freeman, then use him.
My final point may be a bit controversial. But Tom Cruise is not a good actor, in my opinion. he plays the same character in every movie he's been in, and that character's name is Tom Cruise. I am not saying that he has never been in a good movie or that Cruise's one character hasn't been a perfect fit in a movie. He has been in some AMAZING movies. But I believe to be a great, or even a good, actor; the actor has to be able to become a different person. Unfortunetly Cruise can't do that.

Oblivion gets a 5/10

Thanks for listening

ExtravagantEvil sends his Greetings.

Good Morning,

The handle on my end of this little consortia is ExtravagantEvil, or Colin, which ever you prefer, and being one of the key founders of the Hans Bachman band, welcome you to our little hole of debauchery and culture.

I will probably posting reviews as will most of our fellows here, but also go tangentially into things more than just reviewing films, music, and my fair share of table top games.
I'll occasionally post some of my own products: Homebrew and ideas/stat-blocks for TableTop RPG's, etc. Most importantly, there'll be philosophical style analysis of things like film, culture, news (if I can bother to watch the Ringling bros. that it is again), and just insights and things that I hope provoke discussion in the comments.

--- ExtravagantEvil

Monday, May 13, 2013

Hey Guys I'm Ryan,

Unlike these losers I don't need a handle. I've known both of these guys since Middle School, making that 4 or 5 years since I've known them. I'm 17 and a Senior in high school. I'm a Gemini, born on June 1st.

I'll probably be doing reviews of my own. I'll probably also blog about news going on, and my personal life. Why? Because Fuck You That's why. For the most part I'm a gamer and a eater, so expect reviews on food and video games.

I'm an aspiring novelist and may post links of what I'm writing later on, make sure to read those! Alright, I'm out. Done with introductions.

 hello everyone,

 I have known the hansbachman band crew for quite awhile. i joined the crew when
I first met Loki_XLII about 4 years ago.

I will also be posting reviews and other things 
like that.

Be sure to check it out.

- Cheese101
Hey, I'm Loki_XLII, and apparently I have a blog now. I've dabbled in the idea for awhile, but I'm not really interesting on my own. That's why my friends, the intrepid rockers of the Hans Bachman Band(we don't actually play music), are going to post here with me! If you want to follow our massive launch to internet fame, you can follow our stuff on other websites, most notable youtube, here( There's not much there, just a couple of shitty Let's Plays, but we're adding new content  very soon, such as some cartoons(if I can draw correctly), some live action stuff(if I can find money to buy a camera), and some even more shitty Let's Plays!

But that's enough about other websites, I'm sure you're wondering what this blog is for. Well, it's really for whatever. As I get busier with my creative endeavors that I plan on doing in the future, it will be helpful to have a site where I can post to keep people up to date on whatever it is that I'm currently doing. I may also use this for the occasional opinion piece, if I'm particularly motivated. I also dabble in fiction, though my real dream is to write for the prestigious world of television. I'll post that stuff here, when I get around to it.

Probably the meat of this site for a while will be reviews. I consume a large amount of media, be it film, television, books, video games, or even the elusive tabletop role-playing game. I also have lots of opinions about media, that I'm sure people will want to read. Reviews will happen a lot, probably any given time that I watch/play something that I want to review. These will not necessarily be current reviews, because I don't have the money to get things when they're up to date. The best I can manage is a Netflix subscription, but hopefully that's enough.

Well, I'm kind of running out of things to say in the introduction, so I'll talk to you guys later. My friends will probably post later on, you'll recognize them by the different handles.

Speaking of handles,