Thursday, July 11, 2013

Picnic Panic, Chapter 1

Here you have it, the long awaited(?) 1st chapter cum(heh) expanded universe thingy for Susan's Sticky Adventure. Let's fucking do this and never look back. Also fuck this site and its lack of indents.

The phone rang, finally ending in that now all-too-familiar answer. "Susan's not here right now, so why don't you fuck off! *Beep*" Alex sighed, and hung up the phone. Ever since Susan got that goddamn motorcycle, she was always busy.

"Ah, who the hell cares. She's probably just at the ice cream parlor. I'll just go get her, and we can have picnic for old times sake. Also, why the hell am I saying all of this out loud, what the fuck is wrong with me? Somebody make it stop! Ahhhhhhhhh!"

Alex caught himself, and breathed a sigh of relief. Grabbing his jacket and keys, he headed out the door.

The stench of blood and wreckage wafted from the streets, which were in utter chaos. They had been since the Rensfair Incident though, so no big whup. Alex sniffed the air, trying to pick through the various scents for motorcycle fuel. "North", he thought, and began heading that way. Aside from a brief, strange twinkling in the sky, there were no problems and he reached Pop's Ice Cream Parlor within the hour.

Alex stopped. He could smell a strange odor coming from the parlor. Definitely ice cream, but... something else, too. He slowly reached for the door handle, but then...

"Halt!" Came a voice from behind Alex.

He turned, seeing a man dressed in a large purple jacket with a white waistcoat, with epaulettes. He also wore a tricorn hat, and kept a cutlass and flintlock strapped to his side. He had short cut brown hair, and a wise, sad face. The man was flanked by four others, wearing silver outfits with over-sized visors and unwieldy rayguns at their hips. Alex didn't recognize the clothes, but the face was unmistakable.

" What the hell are you doing here?" Alex choked back a sob. "I watched you die, damn it, what are you doing here, old man!"

"Rest easy, child," the man said. "I'm not your father. I am Space Royalty merely adopting this form to speak with you."

"What, did you think this form would make me more comfortable? It fucking doesn't!" Alex shuddered visibly from his memory. "I watched my father die in front of me. Also he was kind of a dick. I am a complex character with lots of emotions!"

The man laughed. "Nah man, we don't really care about your comfort. We just like 'Contact'." There was a shimmer in the air as the man shifted to the form of Carl Sagan. "We really fucking love 'Contact'. Hell, we're not even hideous aliens or anything. We're just humans. Our parents were astronauts who realized that Earth kind of sucks, so they built robot versions of themselves back home and stayed to create the Space Royalty."

"What the fuck is going on here? Like seriously, what?"

The man sighed and looked to the ground. "Look, I'm gonna level with you. I'm Major Thomas Filmore, commander of the 69th fleet of the Space Navy, and I need your powers."

"...Powers? What do you mean by... powers?"

"Your last name is Terrior, kid, don't play dumb."

Alex Terrior sighed. "Fine, you caught me. I'm a werewolf. What's the big deal? It's not like it's the full moon right now anyway. The only werewolf thing I can do right now is smell my crush in there", he pointed to the ice cream parlor, "fucking her motorcycle!"

"Ah, it may not be the full moon down here, but up there" the Major said, pointing to the sky, "up there it always is."

Alex gulped. "So what? If I went to space I'd be a werewolf. You can't control werewolves, they go all insane and wolfy!"

Thomas chuckled. "Oh, Alex, Alex. Rest assured, we can control it. We have the technology."

Alex sighed. "You know what, fuck it. I'm bored, so what the hell, I'll go to space. Let's hit it."

The Major nodded. Then they climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies.

There you have it. Next chapter will be better, I'm just doing some exposition in this one. Also, since this is going to be much longer than Susan(clearly), I'm loading in the insanity slower. But hey, with this chapter you already get werewolves in space and music references, so stop complaining.

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